Learning to Dance in the Rain

I have to admit that I have become a "blog stalker" since I've moved to Switzerland!  I don't spend my time randomly browsing through just anyone's blog, but usually I have been given a link or have come across one accidentally that I have grown to love.  The reason I want to read them is because most of the time they help me increase my desire to become a better person, or they give me wonderful homemaking/decorating ideas, or recipes, or ideas to share with my children as they parent, or a book review, or even ideas for new traditions and family reunions and Christmas presents for grandchildren---that kind of thing.  I don't really consider reading them a waste of my time.  I kind of view my time reading them the same as I would the time I would spend reading a self-help book! 

My problem is trying to obtain balance in my life and to not read too many of them too often----but the "balance" issue in my life right now is enough for 10 posts, and that's not where I'm going with this one.  I also have to admit that I have to watch it, or I can have self-esteem issues (why didn't I do that when the kids were young, my photos never look that good, I never got it together like that when the kids were little, I wish I could do that, why do others have all the talent, why can't I lose weight and look like that---you know the drill).

Anyway, when I was reading one of my favorites the other day (it's Saren Eyre Loosli's blog, daughter of Richard and Linda Eyre, who were the parenting gurus in my day), she wrote of her efforts to try and enjoy life instead of being driven by have to's, schedules, deadlines, etc.  She talked of melt-downs and stressesd out moments.  She had decided she worried too much, worked too much, did too much, thought too much, and enjoyed too little.  It really hit home.  I could so relate.  The first 36 + years of my marriage were exactly all that!

DJ and I met and married while we were both in college.  We decided that we should start our family while we were still in school (if that was God's will) and that some way or the other, we would finish---both of us.  I firmly believed that I should get an education and finish my degree.  DJ knew going into our marriage that I wasn't going to drop out and go to work full-time.  So... I got pregnant just weeks after we got married, we both worked full-time that summer, went back to BYU, both went to school full-time, and both worked part-time.  Nine and a half months after our wedding, we had our cute Rachel.  We balanced school, work, and her in different configurations depending on the semester, and when she was 8 months old, I got pregnant again with Matt right when I was starting my student teaching (morning sickness and student teaching are a hard combination!).  And just to clarify, we wanted to have another baby---Matt wasn't a surprise!

Six months later, we got a better work opportunity in SLC so DJ transferred to the U, I finished at BYU Salt Lake Center, he worked full-time, I managed our apartment building and did bookeeping at home, and we had two toddlers by the time we both graduated.  The reason for this little bit of personal history---life started out crazy for us, and it never stopped.  We were always running, never feeling like we were caught up, always solving problems, serving in the church and community, trying to support extended family on both sides, always working hard, trying to help others, always dealing with more on our plate than probably should have been there.  In the middle of all that, we added six more children, dealt with the loss of Becca, and tried to provide our chidren with a lot of opportunities.  Times continued to get crazier---right up to 2010 (see two earlier posts recapping 2010 if you don't believe or understand this comment!).

I have enjoyed too little.  Oh, I'm not saying we didn't have some good times.  I'm not saying that we didn't accomplish some good things that brought joy.  I AM saying that every day was pretty much a pressure cooker!  So much to get done, runny noses and dirty diapers, deadlines, housework and laundry, service to be rendered, people with needs, rehersals, carpools, newspaper routes, lessons, church callings.  It seemed like every day I was on a mission to accomplish what was on the list.  Too frequently, I didn't plan to take moments where I could enjoy what was going on.  I'm not saying I didn't take time to read stories, build with blocks and legos, bake cookies, sing, laugh, or dig in the sand pile.  I did, often. I just don't think I savored those moments; they were another requirement towards being a good mom, possibly fulfilling something that was on the list (spend time with_____ today, give attention to ______,  go the the library, park-hopping today).  Sometimes, though I look back on a full and pretty wonderful life, I wonder how much I missed because I didn't always focus on enjoying the journey. 

Our move to Switzerland necessitated a LOT of work before and right after.  But after a couple of months, things started to slow down.  I wasn't home to help with children and grandchildren (and let's face it, they're spread out over kingdom come), the apartment isn't as big as our house so it doesn't require as much time to maintain (though I've never been stellar at either), and I wasn't spending 20+ hours preparing for and attending seminary each week.  Now I'm not saying that I have everything caught up, gleaming, spotless, or organized because I don't (besides I'm struggling to make what my sister says looks like a prison into a warm, inviting home).  I just got to a point that the really big have to's were pretty much done, some of what needs to be done is in Houston, and I was kind of burned out.  I think a lot of the odd projects I have left to do are hard, boring, or things I don't feel very confident about doing.

So now my challenge to enjoy each day is caused by different circumstances.  Rather than being so crazily busy that there's hardly time to breath, let alone smell the flowers, I now struggle with:

• Not wanting to do what's left to do (you know, all the yucky, left-over stuff that I've pushed to the back burner for months, if not years); somebody's got to do it
• Being ALONE sooooo much, even though DJ might be home (asleep on the couch) 
• Feeling like I need to accomplish what's on the list, no matter what---time is running out
• Not feeling like I fit in
• Fearing failure
• Having to fill up 12-16 hours a day, Monday thru Friday, with worthwhile endeavors from sheer discipline versus my former life where each day was being filled by the needs and schedules of others---it's a major lifestyle change---it's still uncomfortable; it would be so much easier to sit around and watch movies while I eat chocolate bon-bons and no one would ever know
• Fighting the strong urge to host a "pity party"
• Worrying about becoming selfish because I have so much time to myself because of the language barrier and the lifestyle here

There's a plaque in our guest bedroom which says, "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."  Despite the fun times we have traveling here and learning about Europe which I absolutely love, most of my weeks are spent in the rain (literally and figuratively).  The gray cloudy skies that have dominated Basel since early November are finally not such a constant, but I've felt like I lived in Seattle!  I need to learn to dance in the rain.  Those gray skies will be back, if not tomorrow, then certainly next fall. 

The storms which are swirling in my pysche probably aren't going to go away any time too soon.  Life goes on.  There are always going to be things I don't like to do here, or that I'm afraid to do here, or that I don't feel confident about doing here.  There's a good chance that I may never be accepted by others and that I will be spending a lot of my week by myself.  There is close to a 100 percent chance that I am going to be the one who has to fill my week days with worthy pursuits, like it or them, or not.  Somehow in the midst of all this gray, I need to learn to dance---I need to PLAN to learn to dance.  Each day, I need to say, what am I going to ENJOY today? 

Except for a few appointments or meetings and except for desperate situations like when there is no clean underwear or no ironed shirts in DJ's wardrobe, I think I am through with lists!!  Or at least my lists are going to change.  I will  purposely plan to enjoy!  I will find things that I love; I will learn even more to love work; I will be grateful that I have time to enjoy---I will learn to dance in the rain!  Cha, cha cha!

Where Did They Get Their Creative Genes???

My girls never cease to amaze me!  Not because they're mine, but because they came to earth with wonderful talents, determination, intellect, and loving tendancies.  As of late, I have been amazed at their creativity.  Just thought I'd share a bit:

Sarah hosted Katelyn's 1st birthday party in December, and though she was inspired by a party blog and by a couple of Dr. Seuss baby showers that had been hosted by her cousin and sister, she took the idea and ran with it:

The invitation!

A place for the presents in the dining room!



The "adult" table in the dining room



Even the Christmas tree, not yet decorated, took on a Suessical theme!



The mantel in the family room.  Love the characters in the stockings!



The kids' table in the kitchen was based on One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish---notice the fish crackers in the fish bowl for the centerpiece and fish-shaped plates!



Sarah's cousin helped her make the tutu, and Sarah designed the shirt logo and printed it on an iron-on so she could make the shirt.



Then, there was the cake.  Sarah made that, too.



Once Katelyn was moved to the kitchen, she got to "have her cake and eat it, too"!



And...enjoy it, she did!



Sarah customized the party favors:  Yertle the Turtles for the adult couples who came, If I Ran the Zoo Animal Crackers for the toddlers, and candies and Swedish fish (One Fish, Two Fish...) for the older children!  She designed the toppers for the treat bags on the computer.



Disclaimer:  Must tell you that Israel is behind Sarah in every creative pursuit.  He made the lasagne for lunch and supports her through clean-up detail, playing with Katelyn, and contributing his own creative twist!


The next month when Rachel's second, Becca, had her birthday, she chose to have an art-themed birthday party.  Sarah helped by designing the invites for the party:



The cute invitation (sorry for blacking out the address and phone number, safety first).



The first activity of the day was to design their "art" aprons so they would be covered during the other activities.  They each had a customized design at the top with their name on it---computer generated, and designed by Aunt Sarah, and ironed on by Rachel in advance.



Here are their finished products, along with a giant paintbrush created by Rachel's co-partner in creativity, her husband Russ (one swim noodle, a package of black pipe cleaner and some tin foil!).

They created an art gallery in their upstairs hallway.  The kids had a list of objects to be found in the masterpieces  (Rachel teaches art classes at their local co-op school, so she had lots of prints from which to choose; and Russ really pulled this together---they're a great team!).



The kids created masterpieces of their own.  Becca is shown here doing marble painting.  A box, a piece of paper, a marble, and a glob of paint.  It's kind of fun to see what becomes of it!

A variation of musical chairs.  Each kid started out by beginning to draw a picture.  They had to get up and move to the music.  When the music stopped, they had to continue drawing on the picture by which they stopped---usually not their own.  Fun times.

 

Becca with her cake, another "masterpiece" by Rachel.

 

A close-up.



Two and a half weeks later, it was Anna's 6th birthday.  She wanted to have a party with a western theme (cowboys/cowgirls):




Another of Aunt Sarah's designs



Everybody got a cowboy hat and bandana as a favor!




There were even horses!

 

Little brother got in on the fun, too!




Another cute cake by Rachel.

Aunt Sarah also designed a topper for the take-home treats.  It read "Happy Trails".  The bag was full of trail mix!

Two days later (and with Rachel's own birthday, the day in between), it was Isaac's first birthday.  He had a ball-themed family party.  They played with his new balls and went to the park.  And even though Rachel did not want his cake on my blog because she doesn't think it turned out very well, I thought it was cute:




Meanwhile, back in the FREEZER (Rexburg), Abby was creating on her own.  She had to plan a themed dinner party, complete with invitations, decorations, an activity, the menu, the budget, etc. for her meal management class.  She planned a version of the Amazing Race.  She had the dinner on Saturday, February 12th, just in time to celebrate Valentine's Day. The invited husbands went on a "race" through town to gather up their clues and move on to the next spot, ending up at a friend's parent's house for their dinner (an unexpected surprise)!  Abby and a friend had taken clues and things to all sorts of places including local businesses and locations on the BYU-I campus, so the guys were busy for quite a while.  Meanwhile, back at the house, the wives were preparing dinner (it wasn't required that Abby fix it totally on her own---just plan it).  They had fun as they visited, cooked, and made bouquets of Big Hunks for the guys.

When the husbands arrived at their final destination, this is what a awaited them:



Rose petals leading to this...



...a beautiful table set and the first course of dinner waiting for them, along with this...



...a beautiful centerpiece, put together by one of Abby's friends who is majoring in horticulture.



The girls had made "BIG HUNK" bouquets for the guys (the picture was too blurry), but the guys picked up these  bouquets for the girls up on campus as part of their Amazing Race.  All of these flower arrangments were made ahead of time by Summer with each of the girl's favorite flowers.

Since Abby's majoring in Family Consumer Sciences, she's also taking a clothing construction class.  She has been busy sewing.  Here are two of her creations so far this semester:



A plaid, button-down shirt for Steven



Look how she matched the plaids vertically and horizontally on the placket!



She also matched the plaids on yoke and back of the shirt even with the pleat.  Way to go, Ab!



Next project, a pair of striped dress pants for her,...



...completely lined with...



...pockets, and...



...all this detail work!

Pretty good for a girl who never took home economics in middle school or high school.  We paid for her to have sewing lessons only one summer in Sugar Land.  She's a natural!

Each Monday night after Rachel and Russ hold Family Home Evening, they always have a treat.  Since Valentine's Day fell on a Monday this year, this is what they made for their refreshments that night:

The granddaughters are even getting the hang of cake decorating!

Just have to show you another creative work of genius made by my daughter-in-law, Marinda for Conner's birthday in February:



Isn't this the cutest dump truck cake, ever?

 

Of course, Conner enjoyed his cake as well!

 Just last week, Sarah invited the cousins and their kids over for St. Patrick's day and an Irish dinner of corn beef and cabbage (the little kids had their own menu).  Before dinner began though, the little kids, who had come early, got in on some "GREEN" fun!



Katelyn ready to go!

 

The lepruchan left this green lunch box at Sarah's.  Cousin Ike is so excited.  It had magic green potion in it,... 

...perfect for coloring whipped cream for finger painting.

Next project, lepruchan hats for everyone:

Brianne helping her boys, Ike and Jake, make their hats.

 

All the cousins with their hats, but Brynley.  She's MIA for some reason.

  The night also included a treasure hunt with 10 clues and stops that they had to solve/find so they could find the pot of gold:




Looking for the next clue under the couch cushions!



Game Closet---they know the pot of gold is in there...

Gold coins and lots of candy underneath!

They also took a scavenger hunt in the toyroom.  Aunt Sarah had printed cards with pictures of every green toy she could find on them.  They had to look for the items on the cards:




Success!



Benson helped add the magic potion to their dinner!

Dinner was a little on the green side!



Rainbow cupcakes created by Brianne were had for dessert!



Dinner for the adults was held here with a little LUCKY BYU basketball to follow!


And not to leave my Liz out of this equation (she doesn't send pictures very often), she creates a lot of things.  She's become a really good cook and makes really good rolls!  She has sewn some really cute decorative things for the boys.  But a lot of what she's creating right now can't be seen in a picture---it used to be a warm loving environment for an older patient or a soft cushion of compassion and understanding for a family who was losing a loved one.  More recently, it's a safe place, both physically and emotionally, for expectant mothers who are anxious and in pain, as she now is working full-time as a labor and delivery nurse. 

I'm so glad these girls have learned how to create---things, memories, children with inquistive minds, happy homes, fun times, and budding testimonies.  So thankful to have them around to teach me.